Tamara James-Dickson
I didn’t acknowledge that I needed a safe space until i discovered one.
Soldiering on with my head down, I was carrying a huge weight. Trying to power through and finish my work during the peak of racial tensions within my course, I felt exhausted and I reached out to Shades of Noir in November 2018.
I have always felt there was few people of colour studying within UAL (University Of The Arts London). Now I am studying a Masters degree there is even fewer people of colour. I am the only person of colour in my class. Not often did I meet or communicate with other people of colour within my university campus. We might pass each other on the stairs but that’s it. I wondered if they too were feeling as ostracised as I was feeling.
My experience on my course has differed from my peers because I am a black woman. I don’t believe this was understood by anyone on the course. I am really glad to have met people on this journey who I can relate to and who also identify with my story. Many other people feel socially excluded at university. Meeting people that work for Shades of Noir has given me a sense of community and I feel supported. I know we are all aware of the issues that face people of colour. Talking with people and finding out you share similar experiences with someone else makes you feel less alone and less isolated.
Unfortunately big institutions like UAL are not always safe for people of colour.
Choosing to study at UAL has been one of my biggest challenges of my adult life. At points I have found it very traumatic and draining.
I have felt undermined by my tutors who often are white middle class males, that really uphold western ideology and don’t seem to embrace other world views. I have felt THAT my voice has not mattered, to the point I didn’t feel I had anything worth saying. Becoming part of Shades of Noir, I felt surprised I was being offered this opportunity. I was surprised someone saw something great in me. Someone believed in my ability at the time where I really didn’t.
Since then I have realised that I do have something important to say; that my thoughts and opinions are just as valid as anyone else’s; that I am enough and my experiences will strengthen me and hopefully connect with others.
Unfortunately there will always be unsafe places for people of colour, especially in large institutions like UAL. This is why inclusive platforms like this are so important for giving people like me a voice and creating a safe space. My experience at Shades Of Noir has helped me grow immensely from what was a dark labyrinth of self doubt. My experience has not put me off from education and I want to go on to do a PHD and I believe I will. I hope to continue to make work that speaks to everyone feeling isolated and even after I no longer work for Shades I want to continue to make a difference.
