Natalie E. Illum, USA.

Natalie E. Illum is a poet, disability activist and singer living in Washington DC. She is a three-time recipient of the arts and humanities fellowship from the DC Commission, and a 2019 Pushcart prize, Best of the Net, and Best New Poet nominee. She was a founding board member of mothertongue, a LGBTQA open mic that lasted 15 years. She competed in the National Poetry Slam circuit and was the 2013 Beltway Grand Slam Champion. She has an MFA from American University. You can find her on Instagram and Twitter as @poetryrox, and as one half of All Her Muses, whose debut album will be released in 2020.

 

I know it’s easier for you

 

if I’d just let someone carry me up the 4 steps. Easier

for chivalry to lift a body then watch my feet

scrape over the bricks, how my hands search

for the missing railing.

Easier

 

if her allergens would keep to themselves.

God forbid you have to be mindful

of dairy or cross contamination.

Of strobe lights or fragrance.

God forbid you ever worry

about the size and symbols

of a bathroom stall.

 

If what some call “helpful” would get your staring,

slack-jawed excuses to quiet, then at best

 

it earns you my side eye; perhaps a verbal slap

from the “community.” At worst,

the bar fight of my patience against

your ignorance. Why do you insist

 

you are an ally, when your best attempt is a sign

that says Don’t trip the artist. Remember she has trouble

getting back up, and we don’t want to be liable

 

for any type of seizure. Don’t feed the artist.

If she swells up and chokes, we couldn’t

call it stage fright. Wasn’t that creative?

How I didn’t even “out” them, how I glossed

up the shame.