Black voices speak: interracial relationships

‘Interracial’ relationships are a much more common occurrence in modern society, well maybe not more common but they’re a lot more public and accepted. With countries and major cities striving to put forward an image of multiculturalism, interracial relationships are sure to happen; especially now that the fear of punishment has been taken away.There’s no problem with them, as I’m sure many people would agree. You love who you love. There are groups of people however, who seem to fetishise certain races and strive only to have these interracial relationships, over-sexualising another race and completely excluding their own for whatever strange reason.

As said earlier however, this isn’t the case for everyone, love doesn’t really see colour,  yet people seem to forget this often. Especially when it comes to relationships involving black men and white women, often people are quick to call the black man “a sell out” and look down on him. This is something I’ve never really understood myself, as most of the time we don’t really know the person directly, we don’t know the intricacies of their relationship; so how can we be so quick to label him. I wanted to get other opinions on this idea of being a “sell out”, so I asked a couple of my friends these questions, a mixed group of guys and girls:

  • Interracial couples involving young black men are often looked down upon, why do you think that is?
  • People often use the term “sell out” when referring to them, why do you think this is?
  • Do you think it’s fair?
  • When black women are dating a white man, do you think they’re viewed in the same light?

Interracial couples involving young black men are often looked down upon, why do you think that is?


A – “The stigma attached to the black male: we’re oversexualized, criminal, inherently violent etc.”

S – “Because I feel like black men tend to put black women down way more than black women do”

F – “Because of the way black men speak about black women”

N – “There’s nothing wrong with preferences, but I think they’re looked down upon because sometimes they’re deliberately in an interracial relationship because he thinks black girls have negative traits and looks down upon them”`

D – “I think this is essentially because of racism. No matter how far we come with issues of race the mixing of different ones will continue to alert individuals. Unfortunately leading people to look down upon others”

People often use the term “sell out” when referring to these black men, why do you think this is?

A – “This thing about “not being able to handle a black woman” as if they are an animal that needs to be tamed. Let people have their preference. But depending on the person or case, from what I’ve experienced, a lot of black men have been brainwashed and don’t see the beauty of black women because they’ve been taught fair skin and straight hair is beauty. All comes down to taught standards.

S – “I actually don’t know why people call them sellouts to be honest I don’t even know what that properly means, but maybe because some people might think they’re betraying their own race in a way by exclusively dating people outside their race”

F – “Because of the way black men speak about black women”

N – “The term sell out is so unnecessary especially when you don’t know the dynamics of the relationship and you’re only taking it at surface value, but maybe it’s because black women ‘ride’ for black men, but black men don’t do the same”

D – “Sell out… I think this is partially a joke. You know in black movies when a black guy goes for a white chick it’s always a topic for banter. Some people obviously take it more seriously but I think it’s just one of those things people can’t help but notice and occasionally comment on too”

Do you think it’s fair?

A – “If they are in an interracial relationship simply because of self hate, they deserve what comes their way as it’s the truth. However, it’s often hard to determine if that’s the case and it may be out of line to ask “Why a white woman?”

S – “I don’t think it’s fair but i do get why certain black women feel some type of way since black men, like I said before, do tend to put black women down for the same features that they have”

F – “It’s probably not fair because everyone should be accepting but sometimes it’s like when black men get money they lose love for black women, at least that’s what it can come across as”

N – “Very unfair, you don’t know what the people have been through, you don’t know what they mean to each other, like they’re being condemned for loving someone. You love who you love, your heart doesn’t see skin colour.”

D – “No it’s not fair, but a lot of things aren’t”

When black women are dating a white man, do you think they’re viewed in the same light?

A – “There’s a joke going around that “Black women date/marry a white man and give birth to a YouTube channel”  Because this is such a rare occurrence it’s greeted with a lot of approval/praise as it’s almost breaking down barriers. Also black women suffer enough slander at the hands of black men so dating a white man seems a totally viable thing to do.”

S – “No because I feel like a lot of black women date outside of their race because they feel certain black men don’t want/respect them enough”

F – “Definitely not I think so many things that women do are accepted more than when men do it just because women struggle is more socially accepted and understood”

N – “ I think it’s a completely different story, it’s harder for a black woman to be in an interracial relationship. In western society everything about her is political and scrutinised. When she meets someones she’s seen as a black woman not just a woman. Also even though it’s becoming more common, it’s less common than black men, like on Youtube for some example the black women who make a page simply because they’re in interracial relationships, like it’s something to inspire to or goals. That’s the thing I feel like when it’s black women in an interracial relationship it’s a step up or something to achieve, when it really shouldn’t be.

D – “100%. If anything, as per usual females, get it a little more. The ‘you think you’re better than us’ is a great example in this case. or that we’re insecure and can’t handle a black man so we’ve had to opt for a more ‘placid’ alternative. All things which are completely silly notions for people to hold on to.”