Image : Epiphany All stills, 2013 (CL-Q)
Soundtrack – 30 – Danny Brown
Existential crises have great timing, ironically in times of accomplishment.
At a time when I should be overjoyed and looking forward with optimism, clouds of anxiety and uncertainty shroud my vision.
I’ve been here before.
Anonymous : So what’s next for you?
CL-Q : I’ve got five projects I want to do in the next four months.
Anonymous : you’re a bit of a workaholic aren’t you?
CL-Q : only because doing nothing terrifies me.
In hindsight, I should’ve taken the next two months to recuperate after the unrelenting eight I just had to to rest, build up urgency and reset to re-establish focus.
It was crucial to redefine my starting position and lock on to what I wanted (temporarily at least). I admit I had an advantage, I took a placement year and did SIX times the required internship requirements needed to pass. Those who don’t like admitting they don’t know everything would say ‘I overachieved’. The truth is I romanticised every potential scenario I could ever envision myself in, and thus had no choice but cross every single sector in the creative field off the list to be sure.
For example, I was born and probably conceived to the rhythm of the 4/4 beat. So music is essentially the closest thing to God to me, or at least the bridge. It would make sense working as a sound supervisor for boutique company Pitch & Sync (great guys and lady) and listening to music all day would be a dream…
Oh was I mistaken…out of loyalty I tried the upmost to get a J Dilla track into every ad that came in with no avail. The reality is most ads have the same genre requests, particular around the festive seasons. It drove me insane but it was my job to find new music artists and music (my undeniable passion at the time). However, something very profound struck a chord, Richard Branson said when you stop learning it’s time to move on. Think about it…What do you have to gain if it’s not money, it’s knowledge, if it’s not knowledge it’s money. If it’s neither what you doing there?
Back to my point, I worked two jobs or internships a day, with a part-time retail job seven days a week for fourteen months. I tried everything I thought I could see myself in. Sure some things I liked more than others but I couldn’t find the right fit, nine to five everyday doing the same thing over and over again? If you wouldn’t do that in times of intimacy why would you do it 40+ hours a week? (If you had a choice).
The bottom line is if you’re not doing it for money, do it for knowledge, if you’re not doing it for knowledge do it for money, if you’re not doing it for money or knowledge do it for the notoriety. That’s been my criteria for every opportunity to cross my path ever since. If none of the above are available build your own company and learn on the job… That year I earned over £20k in my first year of business.
Thank you Light Surgeons, AquaFitPro, BFI, Sydney Opera House, DANCCCE and others.